Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
