fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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