i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Everyone says I win the strip club
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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