So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
