question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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