i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
