we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
