i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
