Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
