hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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