turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
After tacos, we're chasing women.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
