we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
