tell your sister to shave her snatch
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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