I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
