Kiss
Puke
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
