East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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