so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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