grandma shit on top of the toilet
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
