Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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