So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
