better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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