so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
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Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize