im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
