that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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