I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
