I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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