I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
