i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
