oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
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did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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