oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
