I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
