Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
