the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
