that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
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I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
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This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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