you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
