btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Just pee around me
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Randomize
