And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
