Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
