we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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