Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
And then the night went full on bisexual.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
