Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
