she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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