Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
