I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
