i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
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I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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