Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
