Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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