Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
