a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
