Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
