So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
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Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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