I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
