So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
