Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Blood and glitter go together right?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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