So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
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What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
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omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
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