when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
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