I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
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And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
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If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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