if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
