I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
