When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
