I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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